I have been looking into new and old ways of grounding. I’ve always lived in places where nature is readily available and very much built into my lifestyle. However, since moving to LA, I’ve been surrounded by more people and noise than I am used to, making me more strategic about my grounding efforts. Sunshine in the am, ocean too, at least one day a week where I go deep into nature, Sundays to myself (no plans, no people other than me, myself, and I), journaling, reading, and at least ten minutes of meditation before I start my day. Typically, I’m still in bed during these ten minutes, but these ten short minutes help me stay calm, cool, and collected as the day burns on. As I picked up this meditation practice, I thought of a woman I used to turn to during anxious or low times, Sarah Blondin (find her on the Insight Timer app). She’s a rad woman from British Columbia.
Sarah has helped me through a lot of transformative, dark times. She’s special, straight up. Grounded, to say the least. She’s whole heart and thoughtfully crafted words; above all, she has made me feel less alone over the years. She speaks oddly close to my inner turbulence. I spent years in Montana listening to Sarah as I lay on the wood floor of my old house, crying, joyfully letting out years of stuck emotions. Her words and powerfully engaging voice have brought me back in more than one way to life. Integrating Sarah into my morning routine would have me full feet on the ground.
This morning, I listened to Sarah’s “Alchemy of the Heart: Harmonize Your Inner Landscape,” I got to think about living in both the light and the dark. I’ve been sensitive and full of feelings since entering this world. I was usually called “too sensitive” or told I should keep “a little less of my heart on my sleeve.” My mom used to say, “Maggie, try to remember to save a little for yourself.” Don’t be such an open book; protect yourself! I’m still as sensitive, meaning receptive to the feelings of others, as I have been since my youth. I can feel people’s emotions shift and read a room almost instantly. I’ve always felt connected to something bigger than me. The spiritual world has been part of my internal world since I was little. Being connected is a blessing and something one must learn to navigate. Sarah has helped me navigate living this way and normalized living between light and dark worlds.
I’ve struggled more recently, letting in feelings of excitement, alignment, and joy. These emotions are the “light.” For me, these feelings can feel very close to anxiety, nervousness, and fear. It’s as if I can’t separate the two, so I retreat into the dark, towards feelings of fear or “when’s the next shoe going to drop.” Retreating to struggle or pain feels more comfortable. I’m learning to live in the light and grasp that I deserve joy, excitement, and alignment by telling myself, “You deserve this feeling today. This feeling is good.”
We are all learning to accept and love ourselves at different places in our lives. Since moving to LA, I feel very connected to myself and the world around me. It’s beautiful but can feel like a lot too. It’s been a spiritual experience, to say the least, and I’m still learning to tap into new energy that is showing up for me. I’m accepting and loving myself in new ways that I never could do before. I recently heard somewhere that when you wake up, ask yourself, “What will I do today to make me happy?” I ask that when I get up, I think about starting my day leaning into joy rather than cowering away from it and retreating into the comfort of fear.
I’m now learning to activate everything that has been dormant inside me for many years. I still feel scared that I can’t handle this new light, but I know that the comfort of the dark gets so uncomfortable over time. Diving into the unknown feels like the only way. Being called into the unknown is when you know it’s your turn to shine. Ultimately, the universe guides you towards all you have healed and worked for. Today, I am learning to sit with my new found power and that the light within me can be just as cozy a home as the dark.
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